5.Interview


Have a conversation with a friend or partner in which he or she is asking you following questions. Try to look as honest to yourself as possible and try to share this insight in yourself with the other.

Questions:
1. Why do look down upon people who are less intelligent than you are or who are having a simpler job than you have? Or why not?
2. Why is possession, wearing brand clothes or status very important to you?
Or why not?
3. Why don’t you want to strike? Or why do you want be in the focus of interest?
4. Why is flirting (ichatsuku) so important for you? Or just why not?
5. Why does it annoy you seeing yourself getting older? Or why doesn’t it bother you?
6. Why do you want to be liked by everybody? Or why not?
7. Why do you think that you shouldn’t be honest with others? Or why do you think you should?
8. Why are you dissatisfied about yourself? Or why aren’t you?
9. Why do you feel stressed? Or why don’t you feel stressed?
10. Why do you abreact your frustrations on your partner, colleague, friends or others? Or why don’t you do that?

After the conversation is ended ask him or her if the picture he or she had from you was according to your answers. You will probably have noticed that all of these questions are dealing with your self-esteem in that area or towards certain people.

Explanation of the questions
1. Why do look down upon people who are less intelligent than you are or who are having a simpler job than you have? Or why not?
If you look down upon somebody, you think of yourself as more important. Do you think that you would need looking down on others if you had a good feeling about yourself? No, most probably not. Do you feel the need to feel you better than others? If the answer is Yes, then others are playing a more important role in your life than you admit to yourself. By placing them under your level, you feel well. Apparently the power to belief in yourself and being able to be positive about yourself, you are deriving from your position towards others. This certainly is not a token of self-esteem. If you have enough self-esteem you do not feel the need to look down on others.

2. Why is possession, wearing brand clothes or status very important to you?
Or why not?
The reason that is could be important to you might be that you are deriving status from this matter. That people admire you makes you feel more satisfied about yourself. If this is not important for you, then you probably do not derive a good feeling about yourself from the opinion of others about you. Which means that you have self-esteem on this point.

3. Why don’t you want to strike? Or why do you want be in the focus of interest?
If you do not want to strike this could have two reasons. You are shy and prefer to be as invisible as possible. Or you do not need the attention of people. You are satisfied with yourself and you do not mind if others are this with you. You have enough self-esteem. If you do want to attract attention from other people, you apparently cannot give enough satisfactory attention to yourself.

4. Why is flirting (ichatsuku) so important for you? Or just why not?
Flirting means giving attention and in exchange receiving attention in return. Are you flirting for the purpose of wooing somebody or are you doing this to get attention? Are you doing it to get more attention, then you apparently are in need of some sort of appreciation. Probably you cannot give this feeling to yourself so you ask it from somebody else.

5. Why does it annoy you seeing yourself getting older? Or why doesn’t it bother you?
Becoming of old age has been considered as something negative. Getting older most of the times means being of less importance in society. Physical you can less rely on yourself. If your age does not mean anything to you, then you are capable of accepting that your physical achievements decrease. Then you won’t find it hard to accept that to society you are less valued. Then your self-esteem is big enough to cope with that.

6. Why do you want to be liked by everybody? Or why not?
If you want to be liked, you seem to need this appreciation because you cannot give this sufficiently to yourself. If you want the exact opposite of being liked, then you could consider this as a reaction to others. Perhaps you do not want to have anything to do with others. You might be disappointed or even angry. When they have been hurting you, it suggests that you have a wound to be healed. So first you have to cure yourself before you can intermingle between other people with self-esteem and without the need of being liked.

7. Why do you think that you shouldn’t be honest with others? Or why do you think you should?
You don’t want to hurt people by being honest to them. In fact beforehand you are deciding for others if this is going to hurt them or not. The question is: are you protecting yourself by doing this (preventing a conflict) or the others? And is the other in need of your unrequested protection? If you are covering up the truth in order to prevent a conflict, you most likely are afraid of being disliked. Appreciation from others appears to be of importance to you. If you on the other hand wants to be honest, then the question is: do you want to learn somebody with this insight something? Or do you want to help? So are you doing this to offer unsolicited assistance or from a feeling of superiority? I think in all circumstances honesty is preferred as long as it comes out of appreciation for yourself and others. Only then we can speak about self-esteem.

8. Why are you dissatisfied about yourself? Or why aren’t you?
Are not satisfied with your yourself because you are not fulfilling your own expectations or those of others? If you value others so high that you want to fulfill their expectations, then you could ask yourself how much do you appreciate yourself and your opinion. More meaningful: why is the opinion of others so important to you? Probably means their approval for you appreciation, which unfortunately you cannot give (enough) to yourself. So if others are satisfied with you, then you will receive the appreciation that you are longing for.
In this case you lack a lot of self-esteem. If you do not fulfill your own standards, you cannot have enough self-esteem. In your opinion you are not capable to do what you are expecting from yourself.

9. Why do you feel stressed? Or why don’t you feel stressed?
The problem of most stressed people is that they do not understand why this is the case. And when they understand this issue they cannot solve it as mostly stress has been caused by our emotional state of mind. If stress rules your life you lose control. Something dictates your life. I often notice in practice that the source of stress is emotions, that have not been accepted, expressed and certainly not processed. It is a powder keg on the edge of exploding. If you know to trace the emotions involved and process them using our Tap Technique the tension will fade away.  Of course when you are stressed and your emotions in fact have been taking over your self-esteem is very low. And if you do  not feel stressed then you do not need to bother about your self-esteem level at all.

10. Why do you abreact your frustrations on your partner, colleague, friends or others? Or why don’t you do that?
When you abreact your frustrations you do not need to look at yourself. We have already discussed that a negative emotion is a sign of a wound of the receiver. The sender of the message has no part in the pain. The sender can give a motive for the receiver to react. If you are capable of keeping your pain caused by negative emotions to yourself and try to learn from them as signs, then you can at the same time heal your wound and build self-esteem. If you ignore the signs from your negative emotions and try to conquer them by expressing them to others, then of course you will not gain any self-esteem from it.

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